Bleeding Heart

Adoption is a wild ride, we knew that going into this, but what we never knew was just how much we would discover the bleeding heart of God.

For those of you who have followed our journey, you’ll know we’ve been in pursuit of a little boy named Derek, off in Uganda, for over a year. On September 14th we received an email that broke our hearts only for Christ to mend them together again, and teach us his ways all the more. Sadly, Derek’s biological father refused to sign away his rights, therefore robbing us of any chance to make him our son. As hard as it was to stomach we knew the past year of prayers for Derek have not been in vain. We’ve learned how to love and believe for an orphan, an orphan with a name and face that is forever burned in our hearts. So often we hear the statistic that there are 147 million orphans and we are overwhelmed by the sheer mass of the orphan issue. For Derek and I, we’ve learned how to love an orphan, like a son. As of right now, Derek stands as unadoptable in the physical but we know our prayers are heard by Father God for him to provide a way for a family, however that may happen.

The treasure in this past year has been the heart we’ve cultivated, one that deeply loves the ignored and destitute. We are prioritizing our lives, day by day, to find new ways to love and serve the hungry and hurting. This past year has been a gift, although difficult at times to receive, but a gift nonetheless. Again and again, Derek and I are reminded of the mysterious, unending, and sovereign love of God. It’s almost too much to take in. His love for us, his precious love for us, whether we live in left coast suburbia or a hut in the jungle of Africa, runs right through our veins and changes every part of us, reflecting more and more of his glory.

With the love of God pulsing through our hearts we do whatever it takes, short of sin, to take his love and lavish it on those around us and those afar. We can’t help ourselves, it’s our call, our mandate, and we won’t stop.

Although we aren’t able to adopt the sweet baby boy we’ve been pursuing, by God’s grace, we are pursuing a second child for adoption into our family. His name is Luke. His eyes are deep brown, his eyelashes longer than you’d expect, and his smile will make you melt. If it’s the Lord’s time we will adopt him before this year ends. We trust the Lord knows who our son is, not us.

So many have commented, “this must exhaust you, I bet you’ll be so glad when this is over. It’s so stressful to adopt.” Of course I’ll be over the moon when my son snuggles up in my lap and not 8,000 miles away. However, this has been a journey, a bittersweet journey, that I would happily do again, quicker than you can imagine. To give you perspective, right now baby Luke has typhoid, which typically provides a 104 degree fever, dehydration, and intestinal hemorrhaging. Yes, I’ll be glad when that’s over, but every ounce of stress is worth witnessing restoration and health for an orphan. Bring on stress if it means seeing orphans restored all for the glory of God.

I know we can’t change the orphan epidemic overnight, but we can do something, YOU can do something. Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. Sponsor a kid, help fund an orphanage, foster, or dare I say… adopt.


8 thoughts on “Bleeding Heart

  1. Tiffany, I had no idea what had transpired in your efforts to bring baby Derek home, I’m sorry that you had to go through that. I am happy to hear that you have not given up and that your still pursuing adoption! Any child who finds there way into your home, your arms, and your heart has to be the luckiest child alive! I’m praying for you and your family and for the health and safety of both baby Derek and Luke! You inspire me lady, just when I thought we were strong, you show me your even stronger then I ever imagined! God bless you, your family and your journey!!!!

  2. I just started reading your blog a few minutes ago. I don’t have the words to encourage you, but I think you do. “Adoption is so worth it but so hard. For what seems to be 99% of those I know who’ve adopted it is confusing, frustrating, and difficult. It is not for the faint of heart and tests every ounce of your patience. When you think you are over therd part it gets hard again. Yet, it is a worthy process. For the prize set before me I carry on.” Carry on, friends. I will be praying.

  3. Praying praying praying! Witnessing this is so reminiscent to me of the “labor” part of delivering a biological child. The immense pain, struggle, worry, etc is so much a part of what makes the love and bond between parent and child so amazing…. And as you’ve already indicated, the “hard stuff” quickly is forgotten when that sweet child is in your arms… and yes, you’re ready to do it all over again… I pray for Luke’s health and for you and Derek as you experience these ups and downs until that baby boy is safely home! You are truly and inspiration!

  4. Tiffany we haven’t had a chance to meet but after getting to know your husband briefly I feel like I know you. I love your story and pray for you guys often. I know god has great things for you and you will blessed with YOUR son soon. We can’t always see Gods plan but he is working out the best for us always. Stay strong!!

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