Today marks one week since we landed in Uganda. It has been one of the most intense weeks of my entire life as I expected it to be. We arrived just before midnight on Easter and nestled in to our little room that would be our cave for who knows how long. We slept knowing it would be the last night of sleep in our marriage without kids. When we woke up we were so eager to meet them and counted down not months or days to meet them but hours and minutes. I couldn’t believe the time was finally here.
After setting up the camera, taking deep breaths, and gripping Derek’s hand while praying and praising the King to have the victory I heard footsteps outside. I knew it was my sons.
When they walked in, they had no idea when they stepped through the threshold of the door that they would have a mommy and daddy. They were quiet and curious of what was going on. I couldn’t keep the tears from streaming down my smiling face as my eyes locked with theirs. After a few minutes the precious and quiet moment was replaced with anxiety and fear as they had no idea what was going on. I have read books, articles, and blogs on adoption and attachment and I knew what to expect, but when the chaos breaks loose and the fear sets in their eyes no book or blog could have prepared us for the pain we both witnessed in their eyes.
As we did everything we could to calm them, our happy tears turned to tears of heartache, along with theirs, as they were grieving what they knew while unsure of the future.
Adoption is gospel and so beautiful but also painful and just plain hard. These boys feel ripped from every comfort they know and placed in the arms of strangers. You or I would probably have the same reaction.
With Jesus we have extended every ounce of grace and peace possible to these boys and it’s been a wild week. They are very slowly beginning to look to us as a source of comfort, food, and play. We are blessed they are discovering their new world with us, and taking it one minute at a time.